


Did You Do This To Yourself?

by 20not_o_fucking_kay01



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorder, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 22:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3706245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/20not_o_fucking_kay01/pseuds/20not_o_fucking_kay01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angsty fluffy Frerard because I had some spare time, sorry it kinda sucks</p>
            </blockquote>





	Did You Do This To Yourself?

I stared down at my wrists, already regretting what I had done to myself. Suddenly my bunk's curtain was pulled aside and I looked up in time to see Gerard's face shift from happy to worried as he asked  
"What happened Frank, are you okay?" He hesitated, then asked more quietly "Did you do this to yourself?"  
I nodded, tugging at my sleeves and avoiding eye contact, cursing myself silently for letting someone find out.  
Gerard sat on the bunk next to me and asked softly "Why?"  
I shook my head hurriedly "I...I can't tell you."  
His arm draped over my shoulder and I instinctively shifted towards him  
"Frankie, why can't you tell me?"  
I chewed on my lip ring nervously, then said quietly "'Cause it'll fuck shit up, and you'll hate me. And that...it can't happen, okay? It just can't"  
Gerard was quiet for a moment, then said gently "I'm not going to hate you. I can promise you whatever it is I could never hate you."  
I chewed on my lip harder, but before I could answer Mikey called from the front of the bus "Guys get up here, pizza's getting cold."  
I jumped up and headed quickly towards where Ray and Mikey were eating. I'd need some excuse not to eat, but it would at least get me out of explaining myself to Gerard, at least for the moment.  
I threw myself onto the couch, followed by Gerard, who sat next to me.  
He grabbed a slice of pizza, then gave me a strange look when he noticed I hadn't "Frank, you feeling okay?"  
I shrugged, seizing on the lie and said "Not very hungry, I think I might be coming down with something."  
Ray gave me a worried look, and Mikey said "Then you should get some sleep, try to head it off."  
I sneaked a glance at Gerard, who looked suspicious, before nodding and saying "I think I will. See you guys in a bit."  
With that I got up and retreated to my bunk, closing the curtain and burying my face in my pillow to muffle a frustrated groan. It wasn't long before my curtains were pulled back without warning for the second time. I didn't move, hoping whoever it was would believe I was asleep and leave me alone. Instead Gerard's voice came softly "I know you're awake." I just want to talk to you, that's all"  
I rolled over and mumbled "what about?"  
He raised his eyebrows and sat on the edge of my bunk before saying "You already know."  
I rolled back over so my face was hidden again and said shortly "There's nothing to talk about."  
I heard a sigh and Gerard said "Alright, then just listen to me. I don't know what's going on, but you know we all care about you a lot, and don't want to see you hurt, so if you ever feel...like that you can talk to one of us. I'm not going to force you to tell me anything you don't want to, but I promise you we will always be here for you."  
I blinked rapidly, and before I realized what I was doing I had turned back towards him and was hugging him tightly. I pulled away quickly, slightly embarrassed, but Gerard smiled encouragingly. I smiled back weakly and mumbled "I think I can tell you, just-I need some time...sorry."  
"You don't need to apologize. just please say you'll try to talk to us instead?" Gerard responded gently, and I paused before saying "I can try. I...don't think I can promise, but I'll try."  
He smiled and said simply "That's fine."  
He hugged me again and I smiled weakly into his shoulder, murmuring "Thanks Gee"  
"Nothing to thank me for Frankie."  
My smile widened slightly, and I pulled away from the hug as he said "Hey, wanna play some Guitar Hero or something."  
I shrugged "Sure," and got up.  
I started to move towards the bunk area, but was stopped by Gerard's hand on my shoulder and he asked "Hey Frank can I ask you something?" I nodded and he asked carefully "When was the last time you ate?"  
I froze and thought for a moment before lying haltingly "I, uh, don't remember. This morning maybe?"  
He turned me around and said seriously "Please don't lie to me."  
I but my lip and looked down to say quietly "It was a couple days ago, I'm not sure exactly when."  
"You've got to eat something then." he said firmly, and I let out a breath before saying "Gee it's not a big deal, I'm fine."  
Gerard tipped my face up so I was forced to look him in the eye and said "Frankie it's a big deal to me, and if you haven't eaten for a couple days you're definitely not fine. Come on, I bet there's some cheese pizza left."  
I nodded reluctantly "Alright," and followed him back out to the front of the bus.  
I picked up a piece of cheese pizza and ate it slowly while Gerard set up Guitar Hero.  
Ray gave me a weird look "I thought you said you didn't feel well?"  
I shrugged, saying the first thing I could think of "Gee's worried I haven't been eating enough 'cause we've been so busy with the tour."  
None of the guys looked entirely convinced, but they let it drop, and we played a few rounds of Guitar Hero before actually going to bed.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's only been two days and I already fucked up. I stared guiltily at the angry red lines, not sure if I should tell someone or not. I waited for another moment before pulling my sleeves down and leaving the bathroom, looking for Gerard.  
I found him in the kitchen area, and hovered awkwardly by the door until Gerard noticed me and asked "What's up?"  
I shuffled my feet nervously and said "I just, uh...never mind."  
I turned to leave quickly to leave, but he grabbed my arm and spun me around, asking gently "Hey, what's wrong? You can can talk to me."  
I bit down on my bottom lip and asked "Can we, um, not talk out here?"  
He nodded "Sure, let's go back to the bunks."  
I nodded gratefully and followed him back, sitting on the edge of his bunk. He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as he asked "What's up Frankie?"  
I chewed on my lip for a minute, then rolled my sleeves up without saying anything, keeping my eyes down and saying quietly "I'm sorry"  
"Oh Frankie" he said softly, and I yanked my sleeves down, refusing to look up as I said again "I'm sorry."  
"It's okay Frankie, you don't need to apologize."  
We were both quiet for a minute, then he asked gently "Why?"  
I tugged at my sleeve nervously and twisted my fingers together, then said haltingly "I, uh, I want to tell you, from the beginning. Just...please don't hate me."  
"I could never hate you," was all he said, so I started talking. "A while after my parents got divorced, my mom started dating this guy. He seemed really cool at first, but after he moved in he kind of turned into an asshole, just to me, not my mom. He would hit me, and when he found out I was gay he would screw around with me. He never actually...raped me, but he jacked me off and made me blow him. Said I had to like it if it was a fag. My mom found out, and he got arrested. He's why I started. I got bullied before that, but people found out somehow, and it got a lot worse, because now I wasn't just the emo fuck up, I was the emo fag who let his stepdad mess around with him. I started eating less because everyone called me fat. When the band got together I got a lot better. I got used to you guys, I ate more, and for a while I stopped cutting. I was happy. But then I realized something that fucked it all up. It started...stressing me out ,and I started eating less. I thought maybe if I was thinner...he would want me."  
I paused and Gerard pulled me closer, asking coaxingly "Who was it Frankie?"  
I breathed in slowly, then before I could talk myself out of it, said quietly "You."  
"What?" He sounded surprised, and I bit my lip before saying softly "I love you."  
When he didn't respond I said quickly "Nevermind. I shouldn't have said anything, it's stupid. Just forget this happened-"  
Gerard cut off my panicked rambling by turning my face towards him and pressing his lips against mine. I froze for a second before kissing back. when he leaned back he was smiling at me and I smiled back unsurely.  
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that." He said earnestly, and I replied in surprise "You don't hate me?"  
He shook his head "I fucking love you Frankie."  
My smile widened slightly as I responded "I love you too Gee."  
He kissed me again and I smiled against his lips before pulling away to ask "Should we...are we gonna tell the guys?"  
He shrugged, "I don't think they'll be too surprised. They've all been trying to get me to ask you out for months."  
I smiled and said "Mikey figured me out a long time ago, Ray doesn't know."  
He grinned and I raised an eyebrow at him, so he explained "When I finally admitted I liked you they both basically told me to suck it up and tell you because you were obviously in love with me."  
I looked down to hide my blush "I guess I was more obvious than I thought..."  
He made a weird noise in the back of his throat before saying "I don't know, I didn't figure it out."  
I smiled, then Gerard said "We'll tell them later, okay?"  
"Sure"

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, this isn't great, and everyone's OOC


End file.
